Acceptance

Hello Readers,

Today I thought of talking about Acceptance, a word not used very often but forms the most integral part of our thinking. A concept that lingers in our thoughts and minds and has a direct impact on our actions. People have strived through many generations for different aspects of the same concept of acceptance. In the 18th century, women wanted equal acceptance with men, there were conflict and acceptance crisis on races and caste, then came the acceptance issues that was raised based on education and skills. From the time a human is born, we are pushed into this game of acceptance. What is this acceptance? Should this really be something that defines our every move and our life?

I believe not. I believe that we should all strongly be able to accept someone truly for who they really are, if they don’t intend any harm on themselves or to the world, but does that mean its right to have this constant desire to feel accepted or to be accepted?

No and yes, as humans we all want to be accepted for who we are and what we are, but,  In my opinion, if someone must accept you completely, they will really have to first of all love you completely, be open minded, open hearted and free spirited to be able to really reach that place of acceptance.  

It’s not someone’s fault if they can’t accept you and you wanting them to do so, is really the opposite of you accepting them. If you know what I mean.

As thought provoking as it might be, in my mind, wearing a saree might seem outdated and old fashioned, but for someone else that very same thing might be merging modernism and yet preserving the heritage which brings great strength. There is no right or wrong its all in the mind and it all comes from the place of belief.

Now let me break something down to you, personally in my life, I was someone who loved being liked(accepted) by my parents, by my teachers and by my friends. I never wished or would never actually do anything to make them not “Accept” in other words like me. It was an acceptance struggle, that defined me. In this race of acceptance I was an open book, nothing hidden, always open and loved whoever I was and whatever I was to people good or bad. Then Life happened, things changed and slowly this acceptance game was becoming real, and I had to give up a lot of me just to be accepted by people, family, friends, and work. So, my journey of wanting to be accepted, became a war within my head and I didn’t know who I was anymore, and my mind backfired into Self Sabotage mode, where I got awfully angry at things which actually never mattered to me because the things that did matter where not in my control and I couldn’t change them. My coping mechanism (yes, a phrase that I recently heard) was anger. At the end, I burnt up things that I struggled so hard to protect. It was then that I hit rock bottom and I realized that I was not doing any good playing this acceptance game, I did more harm to people who I loved and everything seemed pointless. The desire to be accepted by everyone might always be within yourself, but its our choice to be “Ourselves” over being what others wants us to be. It’s almost always in our hands to make that choice, and its when you see that and understand you will meet your true self and you will see the people who truly accepted you still stand next to you.  That is your first Step “AWARENESS” of who you are and what you want to be first for yourself, secondly for the world around you. Its only after this comes “ACCEPTANCE” first for yourself, secondly for the world around you.  As Nathaniel Brandon rightly quoted that “The First step towards change is awareness. The second is acceptance”.   He said it in the context of change, but like people say, people who struggle with acceptance are the people who really desire change.

I truly feel that I could have been a better person in this world, if I really accepted myself and stuck to my thoughts and beliefs even if it meant losing many things. It saddens me to hurt the people who I love and to have become the person I never wished or dreamt I would become all because of my constant desire for Acceptance.

I tell myself every day, that if ever you want to change, Change because You Want it, not because it will look good for the world around you!

Having said that, I would like to sign off for now. Lets meet again!  Do let me know if you have struggled similar to me in your comments below or even if your opinion is different than mine, I would love to hear from you.

-          Rachel Merwin

Note: The above write up was mostly about self-acceptance and the struggles we face along. But there is another side to this acceptance story, which is us accepting others, now that is something that requires a whole new blog for itself! And yet another, accepting what life hits at you, this can only be written by monks and saints in my opinion.