BECOMING A MOTHER

Thoughts on how we felt before the Positive Sign and how we felt after and everything in-between. Wrote this blog before my first son Ian was born in 2014.

Through the journey of life, we take up many roles, one of the most important one is the role of a “Mother”. Sometimes this role comes in our life after much of waiting, and sometimes it happens even before we realise it or ever expected it! There are different feelings we go through while the news hits us, but through it all there is one thing which is sure, every woman at some point in her life would want to be a mother and have the experience of parenting.

Just then we stopped and thought, are we really wishing and desiring things, without giving a thought whether God really wants this in our life right now? Are we so matured and grown up to raise a child and teach it all that we as parents are called to teach? Are we going to be good parents and not mentally torture or destroy our child in any way? All these thoughts crowded our mind and just when we let go all our desires, expectations, sadness and thoughts,BANG!! It hit us ! You are pregnant !

I am glad I got to be a mother! With so many things, affecting my health and with me not taking care of even a single part of it, I am glad God choose to give me the blessing to be Pregnant with a Child.

We cant say we never wanted a child, after marriage as and when every month passes, even the slightest miss in dates would make us wonder whether it could turn out to be a positive sign of pregnancy. We rush to the nearest medical shop and get a pregnancy tester and perform the test. Though there were many positive signs still, we received only negative results, whether it was an early scan or many pregnancy testers, it was all in vain. Each and every time the tester turned negative, the sense of sadness and the sense of expectation of seeing the second line light up grew stronger. Just then we stopped and thought, are we really wishing and desiring things, without giving a thought whether God really wants this in our life right now? Are we so matured and grown up to raise a child and teach it all that we as parents are called to teach? Are we going to be good parents and not mentally torture or destroy our child in any way? All these thoughts crowded our mind and just when we let go all our desires, expectations, sadness and thoughts, BANG!! It hit us ! You are pregnant ! Congratulations, you are going to be parents!  Wow! What a feeling it was to hear those words, and to see that second line in the pregnancy tester to light up ! 7th June 2013 started our new journey of being parents. Our child was just 8 weeks old that time and we could hardly even notice anything in the ultrasound, but our feeling of excitement that something amazing has happened to us! Its really a gift from God, almost like the first Gift he ever gave humanity, the blessing of giving birth.

The first scan had practically nothing much to show us except maybe a small yolk sac and they called that as my baby. But there was something that was always in my heart, was it really true that I might be pregnant and that I might actually have a baby in 10 months time. The doctor looked at me after the scan and said that yes, positively you are pregnant, but you need to come back after 15 days to actually hear a proper heart beat. That part of the story, kind of scared me at first, we were wondering if it was too early to tell my parents? I had done so many crazy things in the past one month, which really put me to think, if I was really going to have a normal child, with a heart beat by the next scan. Still the joy of seeing that positive sign and seeing that small yolk could not be kept inside and we just had to tell our parents about it! So we did!! We told My mom and dad and his Mom and dad and my grandparents and our sisters!! So finally we could see the ecstatic expressions in people’s face. So many months have passed by but I could still remember the expressions and statements made by each one of them! I guess the joy of knowing you are going to be a mother, father and grandparents and chithi and perima is all so much we can never really explain it with words. Aloky looked at my face and smiled with his brilliant smile which actually had so many things to say in that one smile. I know his smile meant, are we really having a baby? Does that mean I am going to be a father? Is this all a reality or just a dream? As both of us always had negative results even 5 days earlier, for us this was something we could never believe in! I guess that’s what life is all about! Surprises! If we already knew what is in store for us, then there is no point of life and living.

I went back to office and carried on with the daily routine, with the wait to know what is in store in the next scan. Would I get a positive result, or would all this happiness vanish away by knowing that it is negative. Will I be able to hear the heart beat clearly. Will there be signs of growth. So many fears started creeping up, and I kept bugging my hubby with it too. That’s when there was my second learning during pregnancy, God gives us things during our lifetime on earth, For us to learn, teach and also to build ourselves to make choices and decisions and to give us the strength. I needed to really make up my mind about one thing, no matter what is the result, positive negative or nothing at all, I needed to know that its for my good and that God intended that for us together. Many people sit back and keep praying and asking God, to make everything right. We wanted to sit back and really make that prayer count saying “Let your will be done” and with full heart we wanted to give God control over our lives, to decide what to give us, how to give us and when to give us. Even now that 10 months of pregnancy has gone by, we still hold onto this learning through every phase of our life. So that we become stronger and more prepared to be warriors for Christ to fight the battle, not like weakly soldiers who keep asking for more and more blessings and blessings to really trust in God, but asking for God’s will to be established each time. 

I needed to really make up my mind about one thing, no matter what is the result, positive negative or nothing at all, I needed to know that its for my good and that God intended that for us together.