OUR JOURNEY OF LOVE AND MARRIAGE

June is the most exciting and dramatic month with my Husband Alok Merwin turning 26 on “21 June” and Our 4th year Anniversary of being together since “16th June 2010”!  Do mark the fact that “we being together” and not like after marriage!

Marking the two most exciting event of my life, I thought of writing something relating to that. The journey from “16th June 2010”, when we actually said “Yes” to each other to the point of “I DO” which happened on “16th December 2012”, was filled with mixed emotions and so many things to face and overcome to actually decide upon “Getting Married” or to say to get committed for life! There is one thing that kept us going through it all was the "Truth of the word of God"

“Truth of the Word of God”.

I always wanted a Man of God, who feared God and who always supported the truth no matter even if he was ridiculed or made fun of by his peers. I was strong in a million things, but I know deep within how much i would think before uttering anything that I know would really put me into a “Look Down” position. My dad always asked me questions like “Was there any surprises after marriage? Did you find out anything new about him?” My reply always has been “NO, He is just the same, We both knew everything, good, bad, ugly truth about each other and we made the covenant before God and Man knowing all of that.”

“NO, He is just the same, We both knew everything, good, bad, ugly truth about each other and we made the covenant before God and Man knowing all of that.”

The answer that i gave to my dad, actually puts me to thinking many a times as to how it works in  “Arranged Marriage” ? I do not wish to ponder much though, I can’t even write about it, as I haven’t married that way. But all I can say is in case of arranged marriage, the first two years of your life determines everything. I am in the close of my First two years of Marriage, yeah I have 6 more months to go, but we never actually base our relationship on that, we always go like 4 years of relationship, basically courtship and marriage.

Marriage is a Big Step after a solid relationship of many years, or even less. Marriage comes with sacrifices! Marriage gives you a clear picture of what “Understanding” word actually means. Marriage makes you into a Better Person, Moulds you, trains you and gives you all that you need to be in it! If you have got a Husband like me, trust me you are one of the lucky few in this world! I love my Husband for a million reasons, but one foremost reason which most of the women would have major issues with “HE IS VERY DOMINATING(i would call leadership) and POSSESSIVE”. Do not get me wrong people, I love his dominance, it makes me into a way better person than what I could ever be without his dominance, his dominance has actually protected me from millions of dangers every day, his dominance has pushed me to do things, which I never believed I could ever do. So Yes I love his Dominance! Coming to his possessiveness, his possessiveness drove me away from a life which i knew would never have been good for me nor for the people I was with, his possessiveness made me understand the depth of his love for me! 

Many people jump into Marriage too early, and some wait their whole life to get settled to get Married. A small piece of advice, you will never get settled, rather you get married, people might just start feeling you are settled !

There is no hard and fast rule for a successful Marriage, every marriage comes with its own clauses, but the most important which is already mentioned in the bible

“Wives submit yourself to your husband like how you would to The Lord” Ephesians 5:22 !!!! 

Would you argue with the Lord, saying that you might not be right?

Ephesians 5:25 ESV “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,”

When you love your wife beyond your self and life, I am sure that all the problems of the world, and her cranky attitude would look smaller. Moreover it is not only that you think you love her like that, but you need to show in action every day of your life

Aloky and me just followed these verses blindly! We never argued with the Bible saying this or that and believe me there was PEACE and JOY always residing in our house. There is one more thing that we followed no matter what, being “Truthful” to each other and to never hide anything to each other no matter what.

My husband, taught me a million things through these 4 years of being together.

The first thing he ever taught me was that “You are a Girl”!! I know it sounds stupid and maybe even funny for many, but for people who know me, will know one thing for sure, I was not close to being a GIRL ever in life! I was a TOTAL TOMBOYISH Girl. I walked out of the house at 10 PM, carefree that this might not be the time for me to go out. Moreover like my husband called it when we were friends, my dressing would basically resemble a postman “Wearing my dad’s T-shirt and a old jean” and walking out with hair tied up or let loose, not bothered. Most importantly not wearing any ornaments no matter what!! Never really got along well with Girls, who were typical girls with their typical girlish nature. No offence to them but never like hanging out with emotional people but rather loved to be around people who were unemotional and unconnected The first thing he taught me was to be a girl, brought out lot of things which were hidden deep inside of me, to actually wear Good Clothes, Give my Glasses off for contacts, I still remember how he waited for hours together for me to learn how to put those contact lenses even my dad asked him to give it up and go away! He made me make right choices in such a demanding ways that I would actually never have any choice to make with him around !

The Second thing: Many people know “Alok Merwin” as “Foodie”, A man who you should be extra careful when you have him at your dinner table, cause before you know it, everything from your table would have vanished. I clearly remember visiting a restaurant before our wedding and how he finished 80% of the mommos on the plate without realising there were four of us at the table! I couldn’t stop laughing at this outrageous act of my dearest Hubby, who was my friend then! Now you all must be wondering what did he teach me out of this habit of his, he taught me to ENJOY FOOD! He taught me to enjoy taste! I was someone who walked into any restaurant and if i find “Ghee Dosa” I would just order that and not be bothered about anything else, he taught me about different meat, different spices, different feel of each food and their feel when we eat them. He taught me what was “Food Craving” basically and in the process of teaching me, I still remember visiting every restaurant in town and every cuisine and tasting all of it and actually becoming 10 kg more weight in less than 3 months time. He taught me the essence and the beauty of cooking, to say “the Joy of Cooking”. He supported, encouraged me even to the point where i literally burnt the kitchen with an intention of making sizzlers for him for dinner. I remember so clearly how he ran to the kitchen only to fine me make another blooper of adding water to the oil!! I can’t stop laughing even know thinking of those crazy times together!

The Third Thing: He taught me to give up my Pride, My choicest of Desires. I know when you read this statement you might thing what a person would want his wife to give up her desires. I would explain in a clearer sense, when our pride overtakes our happiness and peace, then we need to step down and give the pride a big kick and actually humble ourselves to the point where we can no longer find our pride anywhere! Most of the time in our lives, we forget to appreciate things around us, just cause we made a statement and not we dont wish to go back to the same person and say sorry and say that they were right! I learnt that from my husband to be able to step back and think if that pride is actually hindering my happiness and my truth! Secondly, there are millions of things in this world that we love to possess have, and never wish to give it up for anything, one such thing was my desire to “wear a gown” for my wedding, I never wished to give it up, I always dreamt about it from when i was 13 to be able to wear that some day on my wedding day. My hubby taught me, “Do you really think its worth it, to crush everyone’s happiness and wishes, just cause you have a precious desire in your heart?” He told me that whether its a white gown or a golden saree, It will still be our wedding day and what matters most is if all our parents are happy more than us. Learnt to give up things for the happiness of family.

There are a long list of things that my husband taught me by being the Man that He is

He taught me that there is a reason why Bible asks wife to submit to husband to love the wife just like Christ loved his church. He showed me by loving me unconditionally no matter what I would have or would do in life.

He taught me that possessiveness is not always a crazy thing, and that sometimes it can actually make you understand to what extend we love each other.

He told me that

“We should be able to survive happily and contended with Rs 50000 and also with Rs 5000”

We taught each other the value of small things, like a beautiful home cooked dinner together can bring out greater joy than eating out a million times. Watching a movie at home is a more heartwarming experience than a 1000 movies outside. Trying to recreate our wardrobe to something that we can wear, even if we can’t fit into it!

He encouraged my desires to stitch even if it meant me stitching just skirts/dresses or hemming my way to glory. He wore the half stitched t-shirt made for him and appreciated it a lot.

He taught me the greatest lesson of all, “TO LISTEN” to each other. To understand each other. He also made sure that my opinions/suggestions mattered in everything around our lives, but we both always decided that at the end it would be his decision to make!

He taught me to Be a Good Mother! To Not Lose it! Whenever I came close to losing myself, he always reminded me of who I am and that  it is so not me to lose myself right now!

He made me understand what i meant to him! 

He taught me to control my Anger and Arrogance! 

There are million more things that he has taught me and supported me in!

For all the million things he did for me, for all the smiles and encouragements, for all the timely advices and care, for supporting me when I needed him the most, for teaching me the values of life, for being an ideal husband for me and for making our marriage happy and worth it! This is a Thank You Note to my Husband, my Better Half, who is also My Best Friend for Life “Mr. Alok Merwin”